The Alpha Quadrant webcast

I started this on twitter and decided to delete it, as I didn’t want to create more drama with the webcast and between Aron and Garrett. But people saw bits and pieces of the tweets after I deleted it, so let me put it all here in one place so there will be no misunderstanding.

The webcast was my idea. I’ve been doing webcasts for about 11 years and had the template to create another from all my hits, misses and learning from my mistakes of software and hosting sites etc…

Let me cut to the chase here… We had something fun going on and I was really enjoying what we were doing, but little by little so much drama ensued with this webcast that it just wasn’t fun for me anymore and after months of doing it, when I really looked at things Aron was at the bottom of every bit of drama. It became overwhelming at times, with constant phone calls and complaining. I was basically the moderator within all of this and it got old.

When week after week and being very specific about when we are doing the next show, asking them to put it on their calendar right when we decided the day and time, yet week after week someone would have no idea when we were supposed to start, gets extremely annoying. When countless times I am left waiting to start the show and someone messages last minute saying they thought it was at a different time or day, leaving me hanging, it gets annoying as hell. I asked Aron to stop screwing around during our preshow meetings in order to keep everyone focused on what we were talking about and start times or days, but that upset him and he caused more drama over it. What made this thing come to a head was me waiting to start the show on a Saturday and last minute it was postponed for 3 hours. So I am now stuck at home waiting to get started and then again at the last minute the show was cancelled. So I spent my entire day getting set up and ready for the show, pulling clips, writing notes and all of that for a couple hours, left hanging for a few hours, then show cancelled and I was pissed that my entire day, again, was wasted.

I work with reality stars, the most dramatic people on the planet, yet the drama I deal with with them pales in comparison to the drama Aron brought into the show. It was never ending, it was always something. If a week went by without some kind of drama, it was almost a shock, Jarrod and I would laugh about there not being drama on any week there wasn’t, because it had become the norm. It was countless phone calls, usually Aron complaining about something or complaining about Garrett and his lack of presence on social media. Aron was messaging me constantly to get on Garrett, even when Garrett was making an effort and was doing well with it. Sometimes I would, sometimes I wouldn’t and would just tell him I did to quiet him down. It was neverending complaining.

Aron never took criticism well, ever. After doing an interview the person complained they felt Aron was continually cutting them off to try and get a “beer moment” joke in. They had no idea what he was talking about and they said something afterwards. He was talked to about it and said we were full of shit and immediately made a call to the Trek alumni (even though he was asked not to by the Trek alumni) to question them about it. Was embarrassing and very unprofessional.

Everything was an argument with Aron, not a discussion. When I told him I felt he was being dismissive of me and was talking over me, he would argue to the death that I was wrong. Instead of just saying, Sorry man, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, I will pay more attention to it… he went on and on and on about how I was wrong and he was right. And this wasn’t just this time, it was every time with Aron.

It was exhausting…

Contracts were sent out before we even started the webcast. I signed and sent mine to both Aron and Garrett. Neither signed and sent me theirs. After that no show Saturday I made it clear that I wasn’t doing another show until they both signed and sent me their contracts. Garrett signed and sent me his while we were talking about it in the online meeting that followed that Saturday. Aron did not…. Garrett talked me into doing another show. I was so over Aron at this point that I agreed to do it, but I wouldn’t be on the show visually, just doing everything I do without being part of the discussion. After that show I made it clear that if until Aron signed his contract I wouldn’t be doing another show. Aron refused and at that point I told Garrett I wanted Aron fired. I had had enough.

I told Garrett that we could continue with another co-host OR that they could continue together and gave Garrett a very fair exit deal for me. It was up to Garrett what he wanted to do.

The last month Garrett has been swamped with cons, one after the other, as he was deciding what to do.

Aron knew this, nothing was hidden from him. This was not a secret, as he would have you believe. It was all out in the open and on the table in front of him.

The reason Aron was blocked from the twitter account was that Aron was threatening to sue us, even though he was the one to never sign the contract. He was throwing a fit. Calling all of us with threats. Demanding we take down every episode he was in off the site. Telling us he was going to trash us online and at cons. So in order for me to secure the accounts I took him off the Facebook page as an administrator and blocked him on twitter. I didn’t want anymore of his drama. I didn’t want him accessing the accounts and changing passwords, locking us out of our own accounts etc….

I have never talked shit about Aron. I have never tried to start any drama with Aron. I think Aron is a good guy, I just didn’t want to work with him anymore. Too much bullshit to deal with with Aron. I was over it.

Some of you tweeting me that Aron was treated unfairly or mistreated was actually laughable. Aron was given chances time and time and time again, but it was constant drama with him and I was over it.

So even though the show was my idea. I was the one who put up all the money to get it started. I put in the most work of anyone involved… I was willing to step out and let Aron and Garrett continue on without me. You guys are Trek fans and could give a shit about me, I know and understand this and that ok.

I tried to stay out of all of this drama after it all went down and I left Garrett alone to make his decision. But yet again, Aron started drama with his twitter post acting like this was all such a shock to him, which is utter and complete bullshit.

Everyone jumping on me on twitter when they know nothing of the backstory is why I decided to post the tweets I deleted and decided to put it all in one place here on my blog.

What I stated here is 1/1000th of the bullshit that went on. If I went into everything it would be a novel. I just covered the surface stuff, nothing more. If I went into everything, it would be a very bad look for Aron, but I am not here to bash him. I am just here trying to explain what happened and clear up the fact that Aron knew exactly what was going on at all times, was never ever kept in the dark about anything.

The twitter account has been dormant since this all went down. Nothing was changed on it or the facebook page because there was a chance that Garrett would want to continue with Aron. Nobody was using his image to promote the show, it was just left how it was.

I have always been a Star Trek fan, I watched TOS with my father when I was just a young kid. It was something that we used as bonding with each other. He would explain the parts I didn’t understand.

So it really bums me out that it all came to this. I love the work Aron did on DS9 and what he did with the Nog character and always will. He’s just too hard for me to work with, that’s all, nothing more. No hard feelings on my side. No animosity. I wish him well in the future, in whatever he does.

Garrett and I have been friends for probly around 14 years or so and he won’t be happy I wrote this. I hope to be friends with Garrett for many years to come. But I just felt like things needed to be said, since Aron is trying to play the victim here, when he is anything but…

Feel free to post all your hate to me in the comments section, just remember… Even though I could have just demanded Aron be fired, I didn’t. I let Garrett choose what he wanted to do and told him there would be no hard feelings if he chose to continue with Aron. Aron just couldn’t sit tight and wait for Garrett to get through all the cons and make a decision, instead taking to social media and playing the victim.

 

EvelDick

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Thoughts on The Last Jedi with spoilers, so…. don’t come cryin’ if you haven’t seen it

Let me start this by saying that I am not the kind of guy that goes into a movie and tries to figure out the end or where it’s going. I like to get lost in the movie and just be entertained. But this movie on a number of occasions pulled me out of that and made me think about things that were so wrong with the movie and the story. 

The biggest problem I have with The Last Jedi is this…

Luke Skywalker was my childhood hero. He always had hope, optimism, faith… not just in the force, but in the biggest most powerful villain in Star Wars lore, Darth Vader. Luke was an unlikely hero we all admired. Everyone, including me at 14 wanted to be Luke Skywalker.

Luke Skywalker in The Last Jedi was unrecognizable. He was the disenchanted, pessimistic, loser that gave up on everything and everyone. Nobody wants to be, or looks up to the Luke Skywalker in The Last Jedi, nobody.

Luke goes to kill Kylo in his sleep… really? The guy that had faith that he could turn the biggest villain, Darth Vader from the dark side, doesn’t even bother trying to keep Kylo from going to the dark side…? He just wants to kill him? This is his sister’s son. This is his best friend’s son. Nope, I’ll just kill him. What in the fuck is that shit? Then Luke has a quick change of heart, but loses a fight to Kylo? Come on… 

They took my childhood hero and turned him into the grumpy old jedi who has no faith and doesn’t give a shit about anything, including his friends and family… Instead of “Get off of my lawn” it was, “Get off of my island”

Obi Wan became a recluse, but didn’t lose faith in the force or become a grumpy old fuck. He took Luke under his wing. He answered the call when Leia asked him to come. Luke sat there and was a dick. I wanna burn it all to the ground… 

He didn’t bother helping or teaching Rey to be a jedi at all. She even got tired of his shit and basically said, If you aren’t gonna help me, fuck off, I’ll do it myself.

And Luke’s death.. What in the flying mother of fuck was that? Blowing away in the wind? That left me slack jawed and pissed off.

The way this movie treated Luke Skywalker ruined the entire movie for me, period.

And how did Rey go from randomly pulling a jedi mind trick to being able to wheeled a lightsaber like a pro? Luke had a ton of practice and training with Obi Wan with the blaster shield and all that. 

I like Rey and Kylo’s storyline, but I am a bit tired of Kylo’s temper tantrums, but whatever.

Finn was completely wasted in The Last Jedi. I loved his character in The Force Awakens, yet they had him running around pointlessly in this movie. And his girlfriend or companion or whatever she was… why was she even in this movie? She added absolutely nothing.

Laura Dern’s character was annoying for no reason at all. If she would have just told Po the plan when he asked, none of the rest would have even taken place, dumb.

Chewbacca I felt was wasted in this movie was well. C3PO had a cameo, but that was it… 

Why didn’t they use Billy Dee Williams aka Lando as the casino owner? What a missed opportunity. He would have been perfect.

We are about to run out of gas? The 2nd have of the movie was the low speed OJ Simpson chase in space, wtf? That was so stupidly ridiculous to me.

And let’s talk about Leia sucked out in the void of space, shall we? Like you wouldn’t be immediately frozen into a popsicle. Then she opens her eyes? They probly would have been sucked out of her head when she was sucked into space, if not they woulda been 2 frozen ping pong balls in her head. Then she uses the force to fly her through space back into the ship, but she’ll be ok… haha, lame!

Who was Snoke, what was Snoke, how did he get his face so fucked up? How did he become more powerful with the dark side of the force than even the Emperor? Well, we’ll never know now that they killed him off before telling us anything about him. Wasted character.

The entire scene with Kylo and Rey fighting with the royal guard (whatever they are called dressed in red) I liked and disliked the fight. I loved they were fighting together. The fighting was badly choreographed and looked at times like me and my 5 year old son fighting with plastic lightsabers in the living room. I hated the set, it looked like a giant stage with red curtains… I mean, that is what it was, but I don’t want to think that during a movie.

I watched in 3D, which I am not a fan of, but whatever… Maybe it was the 3D that made some scenes overly obvious that they were shot in front of a green screen. Again, I know they are shot in front of a green screen, but it took me out of being lost in the movie when it’s so glaringly obvious.

There were things I liked, but there were more I didn’t like. There are plenty of things I would gladly overlook, but the entire Luke reimagining killed it for me. I wish they didn’t even bring him back, to be honest… 

Disagree if you like, I don’t care. We all have opinions, and this is mine. I rate this one below Revenge of The Sith

 

UPDATED: I forgot about Rey with “nobody” parents… give me a fucking break. All I have to say is that Kylo better have been lying. They made such a big build up and big deal… Ehhh, they were drunks, nobody. FUCKIN’ LAME!

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Paul, the sheep and 101 advantages BB19

Jessie in BB11 was one returning player in a cast of all new players. Jessie got HOH, nothing more.

Paul has gotten more advantages than anyone who has ever played the game. Not by a little, but by A LOT!

Paul got secret safety for 3 weeks/4 evictions

Never before has safety been secret and it exposed Cody’s game, making him a target

AND…. Paul could still compete in HOH & POV. Again, something that has NEVER been done before.

Friendship bracelets, making half the house safe & giving him an alliance to start the game. Some of you try to tell me.. but the people who didn’t get the bracelets wanted him out. Bullshit, 5 minutes later Paul says, Sorry but I didn’t know you then, but now you’re my #1. And that was that.

The producers front loaded the season with comps Paul had won on BB17. They also included a comp he hosted on BBOTT. Paul was asking everyone to throw him the HOH for days before the HOH and magically the producers put in the only HOH comp ever, that other HG’s could actually help another person win HOH

The producers let a letter from home get to Paul, which was very obviously a coded letter.

They cast Raven who knew Paul prior to BB19.

Paul said on the feeds that the producers put the golden apple in the first comp for him.

This also doesn’t even mention the DR manipulation going on.

I like Paul last season and he should have won over Nicole, hands down, no question. But he came into this season with an over inflated ego that is out of control, which has made him a little dictator in the house and very unlikable. He treats people in his own alliance like shit. These idiots let him have their HOH etc…

This season is full of sheep, nothing but followers, not one of them will stand up to Paul (not counting Jody)

Paul has spent the entire first half of the game targeting one person, Cody. Because Cody was exposed for targeting Paul when Paul had the “secret” safety. He got his target out once, but has had an impossible time trying to get him out a 2nd time, even with 95% of the house playing for him. My daughter was with one of the worst alliances ever in BB13, yet got Brendon out twice in 3 weeks (I believe that is right)

Ask yourself this… If Paul was in Cody’s place the first week, would production have made him nominate 5 different HG’s? Or would they have called no eviction after Megan quit?

This season is so rigged for Paul it’s really hard to watch…

Has Paul played a good game? The answer is yes. But I think even some of the worst BB players ever could be controlling this season with all the advantages given to Paul.

What I used to love about Big Brother was that it was an even playing field. It’s not anymore. Powers weren’t handed out by the producers, under the guise of fake voting polls. Everyone had a chance at them. Remember in All Stars, when the Coup D’etat was up for grabs? Anyone could have won it, it wasn’t just given to whoever production wanted to push forward in the game.

I understand the producers want to keep their jobs, earning their enormous paychecks for the unforeseeable future, trying to insure they get ratings, ratings are money. So they try to help the game along, keeping in popular or controversial players in the game. But ever season they have gotten bolder and bolder with their advantages every season. It started with a comp do over in All Stars because Erika was going to target Janelle. Progressed in BB8 with America’s Player. Then letting Dan take a jury member on a helicopter ride to a private island. To Pandora’s Box, which was nothing but a production manipulation tool, to help players they wanted to push forward or fuck players they didn’t. And it goes on and on and gets worse every season…

Houseguests now have to use the double eviction as a way to do what they want without production interference. There is no time for DR’s to change someone’s mind, or get them to do something opposite of what they were planning to do. There is no time to throw in some kind of twist to save the player they have been trying to protect all season long.

The problem is, that instead of producing good winners, new school BB has now produced some of the worst winners in the game’s history.

There is no integrity left in the game.

When in BB14 when Frank was thinking of backdooring Dan. All of a sudden you see Dan in the DR saying 4 or 5 times, Frank could backdoor me, over and over. That is because the DR is constantly asking Dan if he thinks Frank will backdoor him. Not taking anything away from Dan, he’s a smart guy and I’m sure thought about it. But when the DR is pounding you over the head with it, you know something is up.

Guaranteed the DR worked these HG’s like a crackhead trying to get that last hit out of an empty pipe…

 

 

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Video Mailbag is BACK!!

Instructions for how to use Video Mailbag for Dick at Nite

Video Mailbag is something I used in the old RTVZone days. It was a great part of the show and I have always missed it. What it it and how it works is…

Fans can go to my website, record a video… Normally a question or statement to the panel of Dick at Nite for the next show. It can be a question or statement to one panel member or guest in particular, or for the entire panel that night, makes no difference. I will play your video on the show and we will answer the question or reply to the comment or statement.

SPEAK LOUDLY THROUGHOUT YOUR VIDEO OR THE SOUND WILL CUT OUT FOR SOME REASON

Have your shit together before you record. Know what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. Please try and only do one take. If you make a bunch of recordings, I will probly play your worst one and make fun of you… just sayin’ lol.

Here is a sample of what Video Mailbag looked like back then

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-jW2GOJys0

The quality will be much better with the conferencing software I am using now.

First, go to my website EvelDick.com and click the link that says Vmail

Follow the instructions and record your video.

Fair Warning: There are no redo’s, all fuck up’s are on the server and can’t be deleted

That’s it… I hope you guys will be as excited about bringing Video Mailbag back as I am. And I hope to see a bunch of you submitting videos for us on Dick at Nite.

 

Thanks, 

EvelDick

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EvelDick’s FAQ’s

Q. Do you and Dani talk now?

A. No. We talked a bit before and after my Mother died & a couple texts, that’s it. We just don’t get along. Which is too bad, but that’s how life is sometimes. 

 

Q. Do I mind people asking about my personal relationship with my daughter? The shows over…

A. No, it was a big part of that season and people ask in a nice way, just wanting to know.

 

Q. Who do you still talk to from your season

A. Joe, Nick, Jameka, Carol

 

Q. Why don’t you talk to Jen?

A. Are you stupid? Did I give the impression I am fake in any way? She’s an idiot, so NO

 

Q. Would you ever play again?

A. No. I am done playing BB and done with TV

 

Q. I’ve seen you say there won’t be another All Stars. Why do you say that?

a) The first All Stars didn’t get ratings. BB8’s were much higher

b)   The producers constantly bitched about the All Star cast during the times I saw them before going into the house for BB8. Saying how they         didn’t listen. They had a hard time controlling them. They’d have sing outs until production would get them food from a restaurant.                     Blocking the feeds for hours. The jury left sequester and went to a bar. 

c) They want only a few at a time, so they are easier to control

d) See ratings comment. TV is all about money. They would play 60 min of commercials a day if they could get away with it

e) Would it really be an All Stars anyhow without Will, Dan, myself and a few others who won’t go back?

 

Q. Why do you block so many people on twitter

A. Twitter is supposed to be fun. I don’t deal with a bunch of bullshit from clowns that just want to talk shit.

    I don’t care if they think it is a badge of honor to be blocked. Those are people with so little going on in their pathetic little lives

 

Q. Which previous HG would you like to see return?

A. None, ever. I am sick and tired of returning players. And they always give them a month free pass in some way, shape or form, it might have      a different dress on, but it’s the same shit every time. And it’s unfair to new HG’s that have to play a month longer for the same prize money.

 

Q. Why did you leave BB13?

A. You must be living under a rock. I have talked about it on a VH1 show as well as a ton of interviews

http://people.com/tv/big-brothers-dick-donato-reveals-hes-hiv-positive/

 

 

Q. Who do you think is the best BB player of all time?

A. Dr. Will, without question. I know some of you say Dan. Dan is a great player, no doubt, but Will is #1 in my book.

     Dan got a month pass in BB14, and don’t give me that horse shit about they didn’t know they’d be going in the game, Bullshit! Janelle and Britney were talking about it the first night of the feeds, they all knew. That Dan could have been gone had his last person been booted before the reset, Bullshit! The producers would have moved it up. Will played without a month long pass. Played without a Veto in the game. Played an entirely different game the second time around and still made final 4, even getting Boogie there to win.

 

Q. So and so still won, so the are a winner, no matter what you say about them (more of a statement)

A. There are good winners and bad. There are legendary players and players you forget by the same seasons end.

Jordan, bad winner. Nice girl, but a bad winner. It’s like production did everything they could to give Jeff the win, he fumbled the ball on the 1 yard line & Jordan slipped on a banana peel and fell on it by accident.

Steve, who? Vanessa was the player that season. Hell, even Austin who not only got himself to the end, but the twins. Steve cried for his Mommy and snuck in like he was stealing a cookie after bedtime.

Nicole, bad winner. Paul outplayed her in every way that season, he should have won easily. Nicole layed in bed all fucking summer and did jack shit. Did I just say jack? Yes, well she did jack Corey’s (goat burning, wonky eyed, idiot) dick all summer while laying in bed. Even in the house Nicole admitted she hadn’t done anything, that she didn’t know how she would win. Paul on the other hand had to constantly change up his game. He’d have Victor, then gone, back, gone, three times. He floated when he had to, he made deals when he had to. He played the game. Nicole played with Corey’s dick.

Andy, wtf… Andy was the worst winner of the worst season with the worst final three in the history of the game. A winning trifecta. He might have won, but we all lost, just by watching that season. Andy’s strategy was that of a paranoid schizophrenic, running around busting into rooms to make sure no one was talking about him. Nobody even had the balls to tell the little cockroach to get the fuck out. Horrible, delusional Andy, worst winner ever.

 

Q. I think so and so will be another you (another statement)

A. There will never be another me. There will never be another Dr Will. There will never be another Dan, Janelle etc.. 

 

Q. What is your favorite season of Big Brother?

A. The one I won, of course. As a fan of the show since day 1. My favorite seasons are older seasons with less DR/production manipulation. All Stars and BB6 are my favorite seasons, followed by 2, 3 & 10.

 

 

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Beverly Hills Cops… or Hollywood High, you decide…

Before Big Brother my main source of income, I grew pot for about a decade. This was long before weed was legal in California & even before medical marijuana was legal. I was very low profile… Had about 150 to 200 plants growing in my garage. My house was under the landing pattern for Long Beach airport, so I didn’t need to worry about any police helicopters or shit like that, it was restricted airspace.

I know everyone likes to brag, but truth was, I had some of the best pot in LA at that time. It was always gone a day or 2 after harvest.

After the divorce of my 10 year marriage I moved my life, not where I lived, but where I hung out, to Hollywood from Orange County where me and my X worked in clubs forever. I didn’t want to answer a thousand times to a thousand people, “Where’s Janine?”, “Who broke up with who?” “Why did you guys break up, you seemed so happy” all that shit, I was pretty broken up about it and didn’t want to talk about it with people I hardly knew anyhow… So, I never went to another bar or club in Orange County, just Hollywood from then on. 

It’s not like I never went and hung in Hollywood, but not a whole lot. When I started going I ran into a bunch of people that used to come into the clubs I ran in Orange County & they’d introduce me to more people… and so on, and so on…

So whenever I’d head up to Hollywood I’d bring 3-4 big, fat ass joints with me and a couple of buds for a bartender and get free drinks all night. The clubs in Hollywood never cared if you smoked pot in the clubs, unlike in the OC. So I’d go see a band, spark up a fat one and make more friends, lol. You always make friends when you’re smoking dope. I’d meet Rock Stars, get them high and they became customers. I became friends with a bunch of Rock Stars & Rap Stars and they would introduce me to more Rock & Rap Stars. It got to the point that I used to say I was one degree of separation from just about anyone in music, if I didn’t personally know them, I knew someone that did. Life was crazy and fun.

I met one of the guys from Korn one night at the Purple Lounge inside the Standard Hotel on Sunset Blvd. one night. I was there with my buddy DJ Ashba, who later played in G N’ R and plays with Nikki Sixx now in Sixx AM. We’re hanging out and he leans over and says “I think that’s the drummer for Korn” I said, oh good I have a friend that’s been wanting to introduce me to him for a long time. So I go over and say, we have a good friend in common… He looks at me like I am completely full of shit, leans back, crosses his arms and says, yeah who? I say, my best friends wife, Cora. He looks at me, sits forward and says, you mean the girl with the best pot in LA? I said, where do you think she gets it? He sits back again and goes, bullshit… So I take a fat joint from behind my ear and throw it at him, he smells it and goes, Holy shit, sit down! We introduced ourselves, he introduced me to this guy Nick who was the co-creator of DSL, a billionaire and we hung out, got high, had some drinks and had a great time. Closing time comes around and he invites me to join them in Nick’s helicopter to do nitrous hits… Fucking unreal night, flying through the buildings of downtown LA, up to Big Bear to refuel and back.

You have a joint, you have friends, lol…

Anyhow, onto the point of the story.

One night I am driving up to Hollywood and for some reason I decided to go through Beverly Hills instead of my regular route. I’m thinking it was either gay pride day or close to Halloween, where surface streets my normal way would have been bumper to bumper traffic. So I’m driving along, top off my Corvette and had just lit a fat joint. I’m toking away when I get to a red light and up next to me pulls this SUV, I look over and 2 cops are looking down at me as I take a big toke, DOH…. I was soooo busted.

They get behind me and flash their lights. Oh fuck, where can I hide these, I asked myself. I had 3-4 joints in my cigarette pack and the one in my hand. I put that one out and stuffed it in my boot. I took the cigarette pack and squashed it between the seat cushion and the outter bottom plastic part of the seat that the cushion sat in… and pulled over.

Cop walks up to the driver side, License & Registration please… I took my license out of my wallet and registration out of my glove box and handed it to him without saying a word. Sir, can I ask you to step out of the car? So, I got out of the car and stood on the sidewalk in front of them, again without saying a word. Then both of them start firing a bunch of questions at me at the same time… Are those jail tattoos? Where’s the joint you were smoking? Do you have any track marks? I didn’t say shit. 

Then one of them says, ARE YOU DEAF, WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING US? I looked at him and said, I feel like my Grandmother just caught me jerking off, so busted… They looked at each other and both started busting up laughing and were very cool from that point on.

I answered their questions… No, they don’t do color tattoos in jail, I thought you’d know that. No, I don’t have track marks, look… I’ve never used heroin. They asked again where the joint I was smoking was, I told them, with due respect, that I could not answer or admit to anything that might be against the law. One said, “We have the right to search your car” I said I know and to go ahead. The other one patted me down and didn’t find anything. After about 5 minutes of searching my car the other cop says, “I know it’s in here I can smell it, just tell me where it is and we can go on our way.” I again said I wasn’t going to admit to anything, but search all you like. He started talking about giving up when he found the cigarette pack, dammit…

He brings the pack over to a coin operated newspaper stand (remember those?) and pulls out my cigarettes and the rolled joints I had in there. The other cop says, “Holy shit, look at the size of those. Are you Cheech or Chong?” We all 3 start laughing. He says, “Damn man, I can smell that from here, ten feet away. Is that some Indica?” I started laughing really hard and asked him when the last time he smoked pot was, in the 70’s? Again, all 3 of us were laughing. His partner said, “No, that’s that chronic. That’s the good stuff!” I said, “Your damn right” and laughed.

They gave me back my cigarettes, but took the joints and the cigarette pack, saying they had to take whatever container they found any drugs in. Weird, but whatever.

They wrote me a ticket and sent me on my way. I still had the joint in my boot and the buds they didn’t find in my pocket, so about 5 min later, I pulled the joint out of my boot and fired it up on my way to Hollywood, lol.

Fast forward a month an a half or so later to my court date in Beverly Hills….

I walk into the nicest courthouse I have ever been in in my life. This is what I envision the Supreme Court to look like or something. It was crazy nice. All marble, carved wood, beautiful artwork. I just kept looking around and saying “Holy Shit, this is nice” to myself.

I find my courtroom, again absolutely beautiful in every way. There’s only 2 cases on this courtroom’s docket that morning, I was second up. I’m watching the first guy and notice it was bring your daughter to work day, I shit you not… I can’t make this shit up people. So the District Attorney AND the judge both had their daughters with them that day. The judge finishes the first case and calls me up.

There are 2 tables in front of the judge, the DA is at one, so I go to the other. You know what I am talking about, we have all seen courtroom tv shows or seen it in the movies etc.. The judge addresses the DA and the DA says that he would be willing to drop the case if I go to a drug diversion program, they both look over at me for an answer. I start laughing… I look at the judge and say, I was busted with 3 joints. In the state of California, thank to my parents and all the hippies in California in the 70’s, I know that the maximum fine by law in the state of California for under an ounce of marijuana is maximum $100 fine. I look at the DA and say that a drug diversion program is at least $1,000 and a bunch of my time, so no, I decline that offer, I’ll go to trial. The judge looks at the DA and chuckles a bit and says to him, “Well, he’s right about everything he said Jim.” I look at both of them and say, “How about a $50 fine, or we can waste the state’s time and money on a trial.” I wasn’t being an asshole, just matter of fact… no disrespect at all. The DA looks at me and says “Oh, ummm, I don’t think…” The judge asks if we would like to step into the hallway to discuss it, then come back in. I said, no.. I look at the DA and tell him “$75, that’s my final offer.” He shuffles some papers, looks at me and says, “That’s fine.” 

So, I ended up paying like $250 or so with all the fees and court costs and bullshit tacked on, but got a good laugh out of the whole thing.

Moral of the story is, Always remember, cops don’t always drive in cop cars, sometimes the drive SUV’s so pay better attention when driving with the top off of your car.

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